The night before I left Los Angeles, I got to hang out with my son Rory and my son in law Bill. But before we went out there was another photo op – this time with my ex wife Sarah, my daughter and the new grandson, Henry Arthur. The emotions were starting to well up in me.
We headed over to the Idle Hour, a bar shaped like a two story beer barrel, to ‘wet the baby’s head’ – celebrate the baby’s birth. I treated the guys to their first shots of Pappy Van Winkle’s, a rare, legendary bourbon. Two new pappys – Bill and me, grandpappy. The jokes were flying and the craic (Irish for fun, conversation) was ninety (for some reason that’s the highest the craic can get.) But I could feel the sadness growing. It had been a year since I’d seen my son Rory, when…?
Despite my tough, macho biker image (a joke), I couldn’t stop the tears as I rode off. So much newness, so many transitions, and now, what would the future bring? A few lines from the poet Rilke came to me and I looked up the lines later. …Our sadnesses … are the moments when something new has entered into us, something unknown; our feelings grow mute in shy perplexity, everything in us withdraws, a stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it and is silent.